My Brother, My Enemy
by DinkyJo
Summary: Teal’c and Jack have issues that need resolving in the wake of 'Enemies.'
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** "My Brother, My Enemy"

**Authors:** DinkyJo; a synthesis of Dinkydow and JoleneB

**Category:** Missing Scene, drama

**Pairings:** Jack/Sam

**Content Level: **18+

**Season:** Season 5

**Spoilers: **"Enemies" and "Threshold", references to "Exodus" from Season 4 and "Message In A Bottle" from season Two

**Warnings: **Jack whumping ahead.

**Summary:** Teal'c and Jack have issues that need resolving.

**Disclaimer**: We don't own them, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions do. We won't make any money out of this venture and will put the characters back the way we found them when we're finished with them . . . finished mostly.

**Author's Notes: **

**Dinky: **This came about as a result of a Jackfic challenge by Jackless to write a missing scene for the episode "Enemies" about what goes on between Teal'c and Jack while they are held prisoner onboard the ship. According to Carter, that left 10-11 hours for us to play with. A lot can happen in 10-11 hours. An awful lot. I hope this does an adequate job of filling in the blanks.

**JoleneB: **The deeper the secret, the fewer who know of it.This will make you wonder just how much we're all missing.

X0X

"_The truth is that you are a prisoner of Apophis. When the symbiote that I carry matures, you will become its host_.'

Teal'c "Enemies"

"_All right, that's sounding a little brainwashey_."

Jack O'Neill "Enemies"

**Chapter One**

Colonel Jack O'Neill stared at the blinking cursor on the monitor in front of him and scowled. He had a mission report to finish . . . no, make that a mission report to start. But try as he might, the words just refused to come.

If he were honest with himself, though, he'd have to admit that he had danged good reasons for not writing the report. The primary one was that it was bound to be cram-packed full of emotional minefields.

The whole sequence of events had started out so innocuously, use their recently acquired Mothership to help the Tok'ra move from Vorash to another planet. No big deal, right?

Wrong.

He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping that this would relieve the burning eyes and pounding headache, all symptoms of too little sleep and way too much stress. It didn't help. No surprise there.

But until they knew for sure that Teal'c had come to his senses and would survive the rite of M'al Sharran, sleep had been a low priority for the members of SG-1. Once Doc Fraiser had ordered that Junior be reinstalled in Teal'c's pouch immediately, everyone, Bra'tac included, had heaved a collective sigh of relief.

However, during the long hours when no one had known for sure if Teal'c would survive the battle for his mind and soul, the thought of rest or any hint of normalcy had seemed like an act of betrayal. That normalcy had included getting any sleep and food and he was paying for that loyalty now.

While he stood watch over his comrade in the Infirmary, with little to occupy himself except worry, Jack found himself taking a trip down memory lane and recalled the long hours when he'd been pinned to the wall by the orb's spikes so many years ago. Dangling there like an oversized bug pinned to the wall, legs flailing ineffectively against the cement walls, Teal'c had refused to leave his side. He'd even made a joke about it . . . undomesticated equines. Yep, Teal'c hadn't deserted him then, there was no way Jack could have done less.

Resolutely, he kept his mind on the rite that had restored Teal'c to them, to think of anything else was too dangerous, and led to that emotional minefield that he was so determined to avoid. The relief he'd felt when Teal'c had pulled through was monumental, yet, it opened those avenues of thought he'd sooner not travel.

Last time he'd checked, Teal'c had been deep in kel-no-reem and Dr. Frasier predicted he would be up and around in a couple of hours. It was enough to make him think fondly of Junior – for all of a nano-second. Then he remembered just who and what Junior was – mostly what. Can you say eww?

And now that the crisis was over General Hammond lowered the boom and had informed Jack that his reports were past-due. He'd gone so far as to give him the ultimatum that Jack wouldn't be allowed off-base until said reports were completed and on his desk. Dang, there was always a flip side.

So now, here he was, stuck underground, staring at a computer monitor that remained obstinately blank, except for that danged blinking cursor that taunted him from the safety of the ether. Meanwhile, the fish in his pond were probably wondering if he'd abandoned them for good.

'_Jeez, Jack, at the rate you're going, it'll be . . ._' he glanced at his watch and groaned. '_It'll be a long, long time before you get the chance to feed them worms off your fish hook._'

Jack sighed heavily and glared at the still-empty screen. It had been a bad idea – the whole helping the Tok'ra move thing. He'd told Hammond that. Loudly and often – in person on one of his short trips back and forth from the SGC to Juna – as well as by radio contact.

He'd said it repeatedly to Teal'c.

"Let the Tok'ra get their own Mothership," he'd said. "There was no share and share alike going on, so why 'lend' them 'his' Mothership?" He'd asked . . . and been ignored.

They'd just gotten their mitts on it, and Harlan's robot duplicates had paid for it with their . . . life fluid, or whatever that silvery gunk was. But would the powers that be listen to him? Nooo. Sure, the shrubs who made those decisions were always harping on the lack of anything useful to show for all the millions spent to keep the Stargate operational. Yes, they did that, in spades. Heck, they'd even go so far as to shut them down and turn off the lights.

So, when they'd finally got their hands on a Mothership, with all the parts mostly intact and in working order, the Top Brass said to make nice with the friendly snakeheads and play moving day at the Tok'ra house.

And now where was that same Mothership with its ultra-cool space guns? Gone, eaten up by the techno-bugs from hell and then crashed into a jillion pieces on some planet – pieces so small, Carter would have to haul in an electron microscope to find one.

The only good thing to come of it was that in crashing, it had hopefully wiped out all the Replicators onboard and finally killed off that scum-sucking snakehead Apophis. May he rest in pieces – lots of them. Chances were pretty good that he was nothing more than a wet spot on the planet's surface, squished into so many pieces that not even a sarcophagus could put him back together again. And wasn't that a shame? NOT!

In the meantime, he still hadn't made any progress on his report – or should he say reports? The Mothership had been sadly lacking in the PC department, so he just hadn't had the time or the equipment to write them. They had huge honkin' space guns and death gliders out the wahzoo, but apparently the snakeheads didn't put a premium on fonts and bullet point summaries. And don't get him started on the Tok'ra's idea of record-keeping. Last time he'd checked their crystals weren't compatible with Microsoft. Not that he'd had the spare time to write those danged reports anyway.

'_Enough wool-gathering, Jack. Your trip down memory lane is not getting this sucker typed._'

Back to the mission and how it'd all started – with the directive that they help the Tok'ra move. Times like these it sucked to be a colonel to one's general. Though he did have to admit that Hammond – or the brass over him who gave the order – had no clue what was gonna happen – hell, 'he' hadn't a clue that what happened would have happened. And he was there watching it happen when it happened.

He frowned as his mind tried to follow the logic of his last thought and failed so he sighed in frustration.

'_Whatever._'

Jack buried his head into his hands and remembered the shock as Teal'c's heavy and frighteningly limp body catapulted into his arms and smoke and seared flesh burned his nostrils. His training had kicked in even as his mind was consumed with white static that blared the news that his friend had gone down for the count – and wasn't getting up this time.

Treacherous legs propelled him into cover as well-trained arms had given answering fire to the Jaffa that drew a bead on him. And through the blue haze of the zat hiss the object of Teal'c's obsession loomed – Tanith. A very much alive Snakehead complete with overbearing smirk that Jack so wanted to wipe off his face.

At that moment the whole Jaffa Revenge Thing was all that kept Jack O'Neill from succumbing to his body's need to shut down. Frozen muscles released a hail of bullets to wipe out the snake. But it wasn't enough. Though he thought some of his rounds might have found their mark, it was too late. Tanith was gone, along with Teal'c.

Jack wailed inside as he finally lost consciousness. Teal'c was dead and Tanith lived. He so wished the reverse was true, but it was not. Far from it. Even with Junior's help to heal him from the worst of injuries, this wound had to have been fatal.

Caught up in his thoughts – in real time – his own fingers dug into the back of his neck, as if he could rip his head off and rid himself of the memories that lay there. This most recent one was just a diversion from the main event, the dirty hidden one that he refused to face.

Eyes reflected back to him from the computer monitor, hollow with loss, and dark with guilt – covering the pain he refused to – could not – acknowledge.

Years of practice got the words and actions down in dry impersonal mission reports; the emotions would take a brick of C-4 to dislodge from his subconscious. Somewhere, down deep, that box was having additions added. Jack just wished it would assimilate them at a faster rate.

Suddenly he was back in the Mothership with his team. They had just brought Teal'c and his Jaffa friends onboard. Along with someone else too, only they hadn't known that at the time. He stiffened as the previous events unfolded inside his mind, with Jack an unwilling audience.

XOX

As the cargo bay doors swished open, Jack saw a man who he'd given up for dead – Teal'c! Unaccustomed emotions washed over him at the sight, and his friend had never looked so good as now. With an honest, wide and teeth-baring smile, he walked toward him with open arms, eager to touch and hold one of his greatest treasures. "Hey!" Jack wrapped his arms around him as they embraced. "Buddy!"

Abruptly, Teal'c disengaged and stepped away, Jack's side arm now in his hand and pointed directly at him.

'_For crying out loud,'_ he thought as his exuberant emotions crashed around him. _'If I didn't know better, I'd think Teal'c was one of the bad guys.'_

Jack rolled his shoulders to get rid of the itch that had developed there, the same one that erupted whenever things were about to go south in a very bad way. That itch had never proven him wrong before, and at that moment, it was going into overdrive.

"What cha got going here, Teal'c?" Jack's smile faded, along with his last hope of this all being a joke when he saw Apophis and the smirk of satisfaction the snakehead was wearing. Why did that itch have to be right so many times? Jack thought with disbelief.

"Well done, Teal'c! Finally you may resume your rightful position as my First Prime."

Held at gunpoint by Teal'c, the Jaffa squad divested them of their vests, radios, remaining weapons, and their utility belt – and anything that was attached to said utility belt. With their canteens gone, they were about to get very thirsty.

When an overzealous Jaffa tried to take the belt that held up his pants, Jack protested. "For crying out loud, it's holding up my pants."

"Leave it," Teal'c nodded and motioned them forward with Jack's sidearm. Jack's. His. Crap.

And through the whole messed up scene, Apophis strutted around like he owned the place and Teal'c backed him up. It was enough to make him wonder if Teal'c really knew what he was doing.

As his mind struggled to come to grips with the new events, Jack noticed the smallest, most inconsequential things. Carter looked like she'd been slapped, and Daniel's face was all wrinkled as his brain tried to work out the new facts that had presented themselves.

Jack's fingers itched to push Daniel's glasses back up his nose and he quashed it with an effort. After all, he'd already allowed himself a spontaneous moment and look where they all were because of it!

Jack O'Neill grimaced as they were escorted to a compartment; led there on the orders of their teammate, Teal'c. Something smelled, and it wasn't because they hadn't had a shower in quite awhile.

'_But Teal'c hates Apophis, he must have a plan . . . and all I have to do is play along until he lets me in on the secret. Yeah, that must be it. Teal'c would never . . . would he?'_

As they were herded into an empty compartment, Jack took his time so that Teal'c ended up at his side. Then he stopped and spoke in a whisper. "All right, this is . . . feeling like, ah, a strange plan . . . just . . . let me know what to do . . . and when . . ."

His words stopped only when Teal'c backhanded Jack with his own handgun, a move which knocked O'Neill backwards where he landed on his back with a thud.

"Ah!" Automatically Jack curled into a ball and rolled with the punch. "Whoa!" he yelled and cupped his nose with his palm. "Ow!" his voice had a nasal twang heard through the cover of his hand.

Daniel advanced toward the nearest Jaffa and then stopped short when Teal'c brandished Jack's gun threateningly at him. "Come on, Teal'c. You don't really think you're . . . still First Prime of Apophis?"

Teal'c scowled. "I have never ceased to be in the service of my god."

"All right, that's sounding a little brainwashey." Jack staggered to his feet, still fingering his sore nose. "You don't believe that guy's a god any more than I do."

His words seemed to have an effect as Teal'c lowered the gun, squared his shoulders and lifted his head. An arrogant expression painted his features, an arrogance other 'bad' Jaffa affected. Jack never imagined that ugly expression on his friend's face, let alone directed at him.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Jack asked angrily in a too-even voice. Teal'c's expression didn't change from the cruel scowl of disdain so Jack continued in an astonished tone. "Come on! We're friends. You're trying to tell me you don't remember what's happened these past four years?"

"I remember everything. It makes me 'ill' to think I was forced to pretend to be your friend."

Daniel raised his eyebrows in seeming disbelief at the contempt contained within those words and exchanged a worried glance with Carter.

Ignoring their expressions of disbelief, Teal'c continued. "So many times, I've saved your life when I've wished I could watch you DIE!"

Jack affected an injured but understanding yet mocking tone, similar to one he'd heard Dr. McKenzie use. "It hurts me that you would say that . . . but, that's okay. . . cause I know it's not true."

Teal'c's haughty scowl never faltered as his words continued to hammer at Jack's belief in his friend. "Your 'belief' is not necessary."

'_Okay, so that tactic didn't work, no surprise there, considering who I stole it from,'_ thought Jack. _'Next step, try reasoning with him.' _"It doesn't make any sense." He paused, waiting for a response from Teal'c – one that never came. "Come on! You and I together have taken down half a dozen Goa'ulds."

"Enemies of Apophis." Teal'c's arrogant expression never faltered; that mouth that – in other times had curved upward in a smile only turned downward in a cruel sneer.

"And we kicked his ass – twice. Hell, you sat around and watched him die once."

Teal'c straightened with pride, his eyes blazed with the fire of fanatic adoration. "I knew he would be reborn more powerful than ever."

Jack shook his head; his hands both signaling his disbelief and his need to escape the futile argument, nothing was working. "I'm talking to a wall here." He almost shouted and stepped back, pinning Daniel and Carter with his gaze, hoping they could help. "Anybody?"

Daniel took up his challenge. "Teal'c, remember when Apophis brainwashed your son, Rya'c?" Teal'c ignored him and turned to leave. "Consider the possibility. Daniel's last words were small and spoken to a closed door. "Or don't."

XOX

Consumed by the memories, Jack shook his head in disbelief. Who would have believed that seeing Teal'c alive and apparently well would have not only made him feel giddy, but guilty? He was supposed to be better than good at his job, but he'd even lost his friend's dead body.

Talk about poor judgment; his sucked as badly as one of Carter's black holes. He'd walked up and hugged the Jaffa knowing full well that he'd been in the hands of Apophis. The shocked look on his face – the one he knew had to be there – wasn't at seeing Teal'c alive, nor at seeing that snake strut in like he owned the place, but at his own stupidity. He'd failed Teal'c again. He should have seen it coming, and taken steps to minimize the damage.

If he'd had his ducks in a row, he'd have captured Teal'c and Apophis. But, no, that was just too easy for Jack O'Neill. Throughout this entire mission, and the couple that came before it, he'd merely been along for the ride, clueless and helpless to effect any change in the events while those around him paid the price for his ineptitude.

A case in point: look at what had happened to Harlan's robots. Much as he wanted to wring Harlan's beefy neck, and whip his double's ass, they didn't deserve what they'd gotten. What had happened to Jack he deserved, but for it to touch Teal'c the way it had . . .

'_Well, Jack, maybe it's time to retire before you really screw things up and they throw you out?' _

"O'Neill."

Yanked back to the presentJack jerked and his wheeled chair skidded out from under him, landing him on his butt on the floor.

"T?" Jack smiled up at his friend who stood at his door, the corners of his mouth turned upward in a half-smile, so totally opposite to that previous scowl. "What cha doing?"

Then he shuddered as his words seemed to echo eerily inside his head and brought back memories – ones that he'd done his best to stuff into that locked box. The same box that now had new additions along with other things that were best not dwelled upon and he fervently hoped would be forgotten. Not that they had been – forgotten that is. But one could always hope.

Caught inside the memory, he was no longer in his office. Instead, he stared into the business end of a zat. His last thought was he'd never noticed how beautiful the color of the energy discharge was. Then it enveloped him and he became one with it.

tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Jack came to screaming, sound and light both vaulted from his mouth and eyes as his body writhed against a tight web of restraints, his whole world a seething sun of pain.

Abruptly, he discovered that he could breathe, and he ceased his heaving to escape the unendurable. His nerves tingled and frozen muscles turned to warm Jell-O as he lay trembling and astonished at his survival.

The alien who he'd come to know as his brother and teammate loomed large and menacing over him as Jack found that he was strapped down to a table and wondered just when that had happened.

"Teal'c, whatcha doing?"

The question sounded inane even as he asked it. It was kinda obvious – Teal'c, pain stick, strapped down – even an idiot would know his goose was cooked. Not that in his wildest imagination would he imagine this. This was his friend, his buddy, his warrior brother of the heart. A man to whom he'd entrusted his life and those of his friends on more than one occasion.

Now, before – the before when Teal'c was First Prime, probably all capital letters and in flashing lights – he could imagine that, only not that it would be done to him – not ever in a million years. But the evidence was pretty overwhelming. But then again, this sort of thing was probably pretty routine back then – just another day at the office. Ho hum, 'another' torture.

It was easy to forget that the honorable, logical and gentle man whom he had befriended had ever been capable of such an act. Sure, it was either do it or have it done to you. But the man had to have been good at it. After all, he had climbed to the apex; he'd been king of the heap, a not-so-honest-to-god's FIRST PRIME, fully capable of killing on command without a second thought.

Yepper, he and Teal'c – two of a kind.

Jack swallowed hard with a mouth that was suddenly devoid of any liquid and tried to slow his pounding heart. He lay totally exposed and helpless before someone with twice his experience at carrying out damned distasteful things. And he was about to find out just how good his friend was at doing those things, up close and personal.

"You don't have to do this, Teal'c."

"You have offended the honor of my god and myself – and must pay for your blasphemy."

"So, I've got to pay?" He shook his head with frustration at Teal'c's oh-so-flawed logic. "For what? Protecting my planet? He came after us, remember?" He flexed his hands and wrists, trying to find some give in his restraints but found none. "Come on, you know. You were there!"

His voice had ratcheted up in volume but his eyes widened when he saw Teal'c's scowl deepen. The First Prime of Apophis – his friend – brought the pain stick close to Jack's side in an obscene parody of a caress, so close, his skin prickled in reaction to the perceived – and all too real – danger.

'_This is so not working,'_ he thought as he swallowed hard and tried to bring his emotions back under control – tried to look amiable and harmless, anything to sidetrack and distract – to postpone the inevitable touch of the pain stick. _'Mouth, don't fail me now. _

Like the calm before the storm, Jack's mind quieted and he was able to think again, to step back and take a good long look at his situation. With a lucidity of thought that was almost scary, he realized that nothing he could say at this point would stop Teal'c from doing whatever he'd already decided to do. That whatever happened was not up to him.

'_But then again, if he's gonna stick it to me anyway, maybe I should just get my digs in while I can – and make it worthwhile.'_

He bared his lips in a humorless smile. "Or should I just give you a buck-fifty and call it even?"

The pain stick touched his side lightly and he arched his back and screamed.

XOX

Teal'c stood stunned in the doorway of O'Neill's office, after only a moment of hesitation he moved forward to offer his hand to his fallen friend, only to be shocked and shamed when Jack cringed away from him.

'_It would be unworthy of me to not heal the breach I have opened between us. My own weakness opened it; O'Neill must not bear the weight of its healing, and I refuse to believe that he will not allow it. This cannot – must not continue.'_

His brother's eyes seemed to stare past him to another place as Teal'c instinctively pulled back, O'Neill shook his head in seeming confusion; sweat beaded his forehead. Only when his friend's eyes fastened onto him did he again offer his hand – slowly.

"O'Neill."

Jack smiled and took Teal'c's hand. "Sorry about that, big fella." Together they stood, each awkwardly keeping their distance. "You shouldn't sneak up on a man like that. I could've hurt you."

"On the contrary, it is I who have injured you."

"Me?" Jack slapped himself on his chest with both hands, his palms rasped against his olive drab shirt. "Nah, not me. I'm fine; fine as frog's hair as a matter of fact. Right as rain and never been better, especially now that we've got you back." He paused, an almost hesitation, and then slapped Teal'c on the back. "Not that I ever had any doubt that we would."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow in question. Typically, Jack ignored him, and bent to right his chair, both knowing the lie that had just been uttered.

The Jaffa waited through the transparent delaying tactic, finally Jack straightened and looked around the room, lighting briefly on his desk and computer monitor. Then he switched it off, yet another moment of falseness between them.

"I'm hungry," Jack patted his stomach and gestured to him. "Wanna join me?"

Teal'c hesitated a moment and then nodded. Concern for his friend made him accompany him to the commissary even though he wasn't hungry. It seemed clear that O'Neill was not doing well, despite his protestations to the contrary. For a moment, Jack had been caught by the past, and an ugly one – one that they alone had shared.

However, the Jaffa had learned that his friend was a very private man whose pain ran as deeply as that of his own. If not deeper. He knew all he could do, for now, was be there for him, to win back a trust that he had violated most grievously. And if O'Neill would allow him, he would accompany him on whatever inner journey that might be needed to heal the rift between them, even if it took them both to the edge of sanity itself.

"Yes, I too am in need of nourishment."

XOX

Jack tossed and turned in bed; his sheets twisted and tangled in and around his legs, further restricting movement. His legs churned as he twisted to avoid some unseen torment. His long frame seemed surprised that it could curl and uncurl at will and became more agitated by this freedom.

"No, don't," he murmured, his head shaking in negation. "You don't have to do this," his lips barely formed the words as they stretched in a plea. "Wild horses, Teal'c . . . wild horses."

His eyes continued to move rapidly underneath closed lids, a sure sign that he was dreaming. Once again he was back in the corridor of the doomed Mothership, the sound of gunfire competed with the chirrup and chitter of the Replicators, and the gun sight of his P-90 glowed green against the breast of his friend, Teal'c.

'_Don't make me do this, Teal'c. Please.' _

His friend's scowl was his answer as Teal'c twirled his staff weapon in his fingers and leveled it at Jack. His bullet twanged against the Jaffa armor and Teal'c collapsed unmoving onto the floor.

Abruptly, Jack sat bolt upright, his eyes wide and unseeing. "No!" His mouth opened in a soundless scream of denial.

As his racing heart pounded in his heaving chest, his eyes darted about the quarters he'd been assigned, searching for the danger that his mind and body insisted was there. The dim light of the bathroom lit the room, throwing shadows across the darkness. After a moment he realized he was alone, no one and nothing dangerous threatened him there in his bed. The danger came from within – deep in his memories. The same one's he'd hoped were safely locked away in that box where all his demons resided.

Apparently the lid on that box hadn't been shut tightly enough, for he'd just had the mother of all nightmares. He blinked to further ground himself in the reality of the quietness of his bedroom and then scrubbed his face one-handed, the other one propped him up in bed.

After a meal with Teal'c in the commissary – one that he'd only pretended to eat – they'd parted company. Their time together strained, with none of the underlying understanding that was typical of their camaraderie. Jack couldn't get away fast enough as Teal'c had headed for his own quarters for more kel-no-reem and he for his office.

When he'd reached it though, he'd taken one look at the computer resting on his desk and did an about-face. He wasn't ready to face those reports yet and his bed beckoned. He would have much rather slept in his own bed, but he'd slept on base so often lately, it had become his second home. And since Hammond had said no, it was the next best thing.

Come to think of it though, as tired as he felt, a long drive home probably wouldn't have been the safest thing to do anyhow. Once he'd closed the door to the bedroom assigned to him, he felt immediate relief, a slight decrease in the stress and tension he'd been living with for months.

Even though the door presented only a flimsy barrier between him and the activity at the SGC, it was a barrier nonetheless. And a welcome one, it presented him with a chance to recharge his batteries with restful sleep. A chance he was not going to pass up. The constant press of events he'd rather not deal with wearied him beyond tired.

And he'd thought he was home-free when he lay between the crisp sheets of his bed. Sleep had come, but it had been far from restful. He constantly jerked awake and flung himself from side to side seeking a position of comfort that did not exist. Jack peered into the darkness; it took too much effort to hold his eyes closed. He huffed in frustration and flung his arm over them.

His mind was acting like the old truck he used to drive down the frozen dirt road of his grandfather's Minnesota driveway; once in a rut, it trundled and bounced along refusing to follow any path except the well-worn but extremely bumpy one it had already traveled. And like that truck, his mind refused to shut down and instead reviewed and rehashed old events that were best forgotten.

"For crying out loud," he muttered. "Can't a guy get some sleep?" No one answered except the restless demons inside his head. "Crap, it's not as if I haven't earned it."

Knowing that sleep would not be in the cards for the rest of the night, he untangled the sweat-dampened sheets from his legs and padded barefoot into his bathroom. Standing at the sink, his boxer shorts plastered to his legs, he peered bleary-eyed into the mirror. His reflection showed an ashen face, reddened eyes underlined with dark circles.

"Crap," he muttered and averted his gaze from the haunted man that stared back from the mirror. Jack gripped the side of the sink, his only link to the here-and-now, his mind fell back into that unwanted memory – like he were still there, like it was happening for the first time.

"I seek to unleash that which I have kept hidden for so many years, Tau'ri dog. You will suffer for each moment I had to lie to myself and pretend to be what I was not."

This was so not what Jack had expected, his friend, his buddy, going postal on him with the kind of rage that he had reserved for that snake – that would be god, Apophis. It made him wonder if somehow Teal'c's deep-seated feelings for him and the snake he'd already named had been reversed. The thought gave him an inner shiver. This could be serious – real serious.

"You don't say?"

Washed over by that familiar pain, he knew the answer had come in the form of a touch of the pain stick.

"So . . ." Jack struggled for control of his breath. "Apophis okayed this?" He rasped.

From the slight expression that passed for panic with Teal'c's face, Jack knew he was in deep shit. "So this is on the QT."

Another wave of pain hit him as Teal'c's face hardened in his resolve. When reason again returned, Jack knew that the same force that had pushed this seasoned warrior to turn against all he knew to join an unknown human was in play, the same force that fueled 'The Jaffa Revenge Thing' – a force that once set in motion, could not be dissuaded from its chosen path by mere argument or reason.

Nonetheless, he felt he had no other option than to play along, hoping against hope that he could get through to his friend. "That would be a no?"

"That is of no concern of yours, human."

"Now, there you sound like Bra'tac." '_Yeah,'_ Jack thought with the desperation, _'remind him of who trained him and what he stood for. What can it hurt? Right?'_

Teal'c paused at the name and only someone who really knew him could see the confusion in his eyes. With the hope that this might provide the opening he so needed, that this memory might trigger a return to the old Teal'c, the one he'd called his brother, Jack pressed on. "You remember Bra'tac, the Shol'va."

Teal'c must have upped the juice because Jack didn't believe he'd ever breathe again once the incandescent pain ceased and his friend's look of outright gleeful satisfaction cleared from the white haze that his vision had become.

'_What can it hurt? Me, that's what it can hurt, me.'_ Jack gasped for breath. _'Can't let him know he's getting to me. Keep up the front, Jack. Whatever you do, keep it up.'_

"What was that for?"

"To silence you."

"Me? You want to silence me?" His giggle teetered on the knife edge of hysteria that scared even him. With an effort, he bit it off in mid-giggle. "Come on, this is me we're talking about. There's not a snakehead alive, or dead that could shut me up." Jack's smirk felt forced, even to him. "You hear some truth . . ." More pain cut off his reply along with his breath.

". . . pain. You will be silent, except for screams. I will not hear anymore of your lies," Teal'c's lips were right there, moving out of sequence with his words.

"And if I don't?"

Jack's voice grew softer and more strained with every touch of the pain stick. At the rate he was going, he'd lose his voice completely in a couple of minutes. But he knew that he couldn't stop talking, hoping that some word might be the magic one that would do the trick, snap Teal'c back to his senses.

"There is the woman," the tone of voice used to say the words scared him more than the look on Teal'c's face. "You value her for more than her abilities. Would you have her suffer?"

Jack's heart sank as he stilled, his brown eyes the only part of him that seemed alive. For a moment, they blazed with anger which was almost instantly hidden. "Who? You mean Carter? She's nothing more than . . ." Pain.

"Do not lie to me, Tau'ri. You foolishly told me all." Teal'c's scowl deepened as he studied the prong tips of the weapon he employed with such accuracy.

"You don't have to do this, Teal'c." Jack panted and vainly tried to dodge the touch of the pain stick he knew awaited him. "Wild horses, Teal'c, wild horses."

Pain enveloped Jack once more, this time when he opened his eyes only his own face reflected back at him from the mirror in the dim light of his on-base quarters. He shivered at the memory of what he had just relived and gulped at the feelings that threat had engendered in him.

XOX

Teal'c's eyes snapped open as his symbiote writhed inside his pouch. Lighted candles threw ominous shadows throughout the room he'd come to call his home ever since he'd forsaken all he was and knew to join with the Tau'ri in their fight against the domination of the Goa'uld.

'_No,'_ Teal'c amended. '_You did not join with the Tau'ri. You joined your cause with that of O'Neill. It was to him that you pledged your allegiance. It was him that you named your warrior brother when you were both floating lost in the blackness of space, held captive inside a sabotaged Death Glider. And it was to him that you caused the most harm when Apophis caused you to rejoin his ranks of Jaffa as his First Prime.' _

His symbiote thrashed once again in distress and Teal'c sighed. He knew now that any attempt at kel-no-reem would be riddled with the memories of what he had done to his friend. His symbiote would continue to show its displeasure at his inability to sink into that state of peace required for each to coexist.

From experience, Teal'c realized the only way he could regain a healing trance was if he somehow was able to bring a resolution of sorts to these memories. He would have to face O'Neill and ask for his forgiveness for the wrongs he had done him.

But would O'Neill allow him this? From what he knew of this man, he realized that this would not be an easy task. For O'Neill had survived what would have destroyed many a lesser man by burying previous hurts deep inside himself, never to see the light of day again.

As a Jaffa, though, Teal'c would die if he were unable to achieve true kel-no-reem, so he really had no choice. For to live knowing that his friend, his brother of the heart, feared him was not an option.

Unfolding his legs, Teal'c rose gracefully from his cross-legged position on the floor. It mattered not that the hour was late, O'Neill would be in his on-base quarters, and likely be lying awake as he wrestled with his own demons. Demons inspired by his own actions and words. Only by working together could either of them put these demons to rest.

As he opened the door to the hallway, he reflected that he would be placing his life in O'Neill's hands. But, despite all that had so recently transpired, he knew he could entrust it to no other. Just as he had known, deep down inside, when he watched O'Neill's gun sight appear on his breast, and had forced himself to do nothing to prevent the killing shot that would be his salvation, he knew he could not abandon his friend now.

"Undomesticated equines cannot stop me," Teal'c murmured as he walked toward his warrior brother's room.

tbc…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

All too soon Teal'c found himself before his warrior brother's door, and there his resolve failed him. To cause this man more pain railed against his heart, yet to prolong the moment at which he must prostrate himself and ask forgiveness could not come too soon else his own life would be forfeit.

But would it be too soon for O'Neill to bear? His Tau'ri brother had shown great strength to have carried such grievous hurts for so very long. The greatest being the loss of his only child, a burden he was certain that he himself could not bear. If Rya'c had died while under his protection, no matter the reason, could he have persevered and lived on? Teal'c doubted that he could survive such devastation as O'Neill had already survived.

Lifting his eyes to stare at the closed door, he brought up a hand to knock, as was the custom of the Tau'ri of Earth. However, now that he was there and faced with it, he discovered that he could not bring himself to do so.

Not often had he been startled, but when the door jerked open and there stood O'Neill, head lowered, his free hand tugging his shirt down in one of the few signs of stress he displayed; Teal'c could not help his reaction, he was taken by surprise.

Teal'c remonstrated with himself for being so self-involved in his own pain that he was not completely aware of all that transpired around him. Lapses such as this could prove hazardous to one's bodily integrity and of those entrusted to his care.

And as if in a mirror, his brother's head came up, eyes widened and the man flinched. That involuntary reaction was like a violent slap and just as he could not keep his emotions from his face, so could he also read them in O'Neill's.

Guilt.

O'Neill felt guilty for flinching. But that was not as it should be. For it was what he, the perpetrator of harm should feel, not the man who was his victim.

XOX

Jack gazed at his reflection and knew that it had to be done. He had danced around the issue earlier; he could tell that Teal'c wished to bring up the whole ugly mess. But he couldn't stomach that. Not then.

Therefore, he had sat and forced himself to eat, to converse and act as if nothing had happened, even as the dark and ugly scenes of what had transpired between them had wandered the edge of his conscious mind, just at the point of distraction.

Part of him, the part one could call a coward, crowed that it was night. That sane people slept in their beds; that discussing such things would not be appreciated at this hour. He argued back that Teal'c did not sleep, and was countered with the fact that his kel-no-reem needed peace. That its loss could kill faster than any human could die of lack of sleep.

He shook his head to rid himself of his delaying tactics, pushed away from the sink and the haggard man that stared out from his mirror. Snagging his BDU jacket from the chair near his tousled bed he began to throw it on and jerked open the door.

He had expected no barriers between him and the candle-lit chamber that was his destination, but there before his lowered eyes were boots. Like any man he paused, then raised his eyes and recognized his friend, a friend that had hurt him – badly. And he flinched.

The reaction happened before Jack could even begin to think of counteracting it, of how it would affect his audience of one. Nor how it would affect himself as an unwanted memory washed away conscious thought in that one second of lost control.

"Jack, what did they do?" asked a concerned Daniel.

O'Neill found it difficult to pull his eyes from Carter as she was led away by the same Jaffa that had returned him to the cargo bay that was their prison.

"Potty break," was his absent answer, his mind occupied with what Teal'c knew of he and Carter. And of what his friend could do if his promise of no harm was nothing more than another form of torture.

"What?"

"Potty break, a very, very long walk past every Jaffa that's on this tub; and at the end I was offered the use of the facilities. Who woulda thunk it?"

Jack offered a smirk, too busy shoving away thoughts of all the places a pain stick could reach. After all, if he could imagine them, Teal'c could too, and he'd been doing it a whole lot longer than Jack had.

"It makes no sense." Daniel shook his head and eyed Jack with seeming doubt.

Aware of the scrutiny, Jack forced himself to stop rubbing his side; it still tingled with the caresses of the pain stick. He wished he could stop his thoughts as easily as scene after imagined scene played out in living Technicolor and Dolby surround sound – with Carter as leading lady.

He shrugged carefully and hid the wince. _'They must never suspect, never know what went on back there,'_ Jack vowed. Out loud, he tried for nonchalance. "To you perhaps, but it's great for their morale, not so good for ours though."

Just a small memory, it had played out as his body reacted to his unexpected visitor. If he could have prevented the reaction, he would have. Guilt flooded him at the idea that his body could so accuse a man he trusted with his very life. Jack knew as he felt this that his body had again betrayed him.

XOX

Muscles flinched as the tip of the stick finally met flesh. But in a far more panicky and disjointed manner than when he had removed the unconscious man's upper garments before strapping him down.

Sliding the pain stick slowly from chest, dropping low along the ribs and stopping atop a clothed hip bone was a sure path to pain, both of the physical and the mental. The victim's anticipation of the coming torture was excruciating enough to cause most subjects to entirely lose their wits if taken too quickly, or drawn out for too long.

He had, over the years, developed a finely tuned sense of timing which made him the most feared Jaffa of them all. And Apophis had rewarded him well for this distinction, elevating him to the post of First Prime and giving him a spacious house to live in.

Teal'c wanted this one to suffer. His practiced hand knew the way, he need not watch the instrument of torture move along the victim's body; he was free to watch the face of the one he wished to punish.

The eyes that fastened upon him held no hate, nor reproach. Only a grim endurance before the light of the energy forced though his helpless body obscured them. Mouth and eyes became luminous holes that erupted a brightness that was nearly impossible to look at.

Unease stirred in Teal'c as he watched, fascinated by the contorted face. For some reason, he could not remember ever having observed this before. Had he ever seen this before, or even bothered looking?

Seeing the guilt on O'Neill's face brought this moment slamming into his awareness so forcefully that it nearly staggered him as he sought to reassure his friend, to somehow begin the healing that he so deeply wanted to occur between them.

'_How could I have done what I did? How could anyone forgive doing such a thing to the man you named your brother?'_ Teal'c thought as he was consumed with shame at his actions and words.

XOX

"Teal'c."

"O'Neill."

"What cha doing?"

And just like that Jack was back in that storage room.

It felt as if Sam had been gone for hours, and that he'd listened to every possible theory on every possible subject that Daniel could possibly imagine. That man could rattle on about nothing forever.

Oy! If only he had a cork!

He was never so thankful for Jaffa footwear, the clanging clomps announced their return. Breath resumed as Sam was led back in and exchanged for a blessedly silent Daniel.

"Carter?"

"I'm fine, sir. Just a trophy walk," she grinned her reassurance. He could've kissed her; she knew what was going on, at least on the surface. And he would make sure she never knew more than that, he'd do what he must to shield his team, but Carter, Carter . . . was his Carter.

He found himself discussing the route she had taken versus his own, careful to not reveal that he had no idea what his route had been and that it was probably very different from her own.

He could gaze into her eyes for hours.

He blinked.

'_Dammit, Jack, get a hold of yourself!'_

Teal'c stared back at him, his poker face back in place. Again Jack's body had revealed his distress, betrayed his inner feelings to his friend. And added more stress to an already untenable situation.

But in the scheme of things, Jack knew that his own welfare – physical and mental – was of no concern. No, what really mattered was that his teammate was in trouble; and Jack's reaction toward him wasn't helping in the least.

He had to put all that aside though, stomp those demons back into their box and nail the danged lid shut, for Teal'c was the injured party here. And as his team leader – and friend – it was up to him to ensure that he wasn't hurt anymore. That he could heal enough so that he could once again regain his strength through kel-no-reem.

And if that meant putting his own petty problems on the back-burner, well it wouldn't be the first time. And chances were good that it wouldn't be the last, but to know that Teal'c was once again whole and healthy, that would make whatever hell he had to go through himself – later – almost worth it.

"I have come to speak to you."

"Ah, well, I was about to come find you." Jack grinned and nervously bounced on his boot-clad toes.

"Then I am here."

"Yepper, so you are." He paused; one hand stuck in his pocket, and then huffed out a breath. "Well, since you're here anyway, you wanna come in?" Jack stood aside and waved him in with his free hand. "Put up your feet, sit a spell?"

"Indeed." Teal'c inclined his head minutely and strode into the dimly lit room, shoulders back, and stiffly erect, as if he marched to battle.

Jack noticed, but couldn't help but wonder if he was, if they both were. And what kind of shape they'd be in when they were finished.

XOX

From the light that streamed from the open bathroom door, Teal'c deduced that O'Neill had not slept well. Sheets trailed off the unmade bed and bore the mark of a restless occupant. _'It is as I surmised, my friend requires my assistance else he will continue to suffer from what I did to him.'_

"Have a seat, T," Jack snagged a chair and thrust it at him.

"Thank you, but no. I prefer to sit on the floor."

"Suit yourself," Jack shrugged and shoved the chair back underneath the desk.

Teal'c sank to the floor in one fluid movement, and managed to make it look easy. Jack's face revealed how he envied Teal'c's athletic prowess. Too late, Teal'c recalled that his friend would have difficulty emulating his movements due to past injuries. But to change his mind now would only accentuate his friend's physical failings, so he judged that the lesser evil was to remain as he was, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

Meanwhile, seemingly unable to stand still, O'Neill resorted to pacing a path to the bathroom door and back toward the far wall. As Teal'c watched, he noted that Jack's hands found his pockets empty; so instead his fingers traced and retraced the seams sewn into the lighter material with his long elegant fingers, even bunching it up instead from time to time. This man of action must always be in motion, especially when he sought to distract himself from dwelling upon misfortune.

When he noticed Teal'c following him with his eyes, he stopped. "I'd offer you something to eat, but I don't have a thing."

"I am not hungry."

"Yeah, there is that. And besides, we already ate, didn't we?"

"We did."

Jack turned away and resumed his interrupted pacing. Abruptly he stopped in front of Teal'c and rubbed his hands together, his mouth puckered as if he had tasted something distasteful. "This feels awkward, you sitting and me . . . well, I'm standing . . . or . . . whatever."

Teal'c said nothing but inclined his head. He realized his friend was desperately searching for anything to do, so that he could avoid the coming confrontation. As for him, he was content to wait, with the knowledge that when O'Neill was ready to talk, he would do so.

"The whole danged thing's been awkward, for that matter," Jack muttered under his breath. "Ever since the whole 'Jaffa Revenge Thing' got started," his fingers hooked quotes around the phrase.

Teal'c saw his opening and took it. "My pursuit of Tanith was ill-advised. I am at fault here."

Jack froze, as if stunned. For a moment, he said nothing. "You're at fault?" He shook his head slowly. "I wouldn't say that. No, that's not right at all. If I hadn't gotten you killed in the first place, none of this would have happened. I should have known they would ambush us at the rings."

Agitated, Jack's arms semaphored his distress as he paced back and forth in front of Teal'c. "And then when you were hit, talk about incompetence, I couldn't even hold onto your body. Instead, I was on the ground and let Tanith kidnap your ass . . . "

Teal'c stiffened as the staff blast seared his back, throwing him into O'Neill's arms. Then he fell into a blackness that could only mean death.

He blinked and shook his head minutely, now back in O'Neill's quarters.

" . . . when he ringed you up to the ship. And all I could do was lay there like a total ass. I let you down, T."

"Do you trust me?" Teal'c watched his friend, and knew the answer before it was uttered.

On his set path toward the bathroom door, Jack stopped, paused, and then slowly turned to face his friend. "Do I trust you?"

tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Jack licked suddenly bone-dry lips. Anything to buy himself time before he had to study the question of trust. So anxious was he in fact, that he slid back into those memories that still ran amok and free of that damned box of his.

"Do not lie to me, Tau'ri. You foolishly told me all." Teal'c's scowl deepened as he studied the prong tips of the weapon he employed with such ruthless accuracy.

"Look, this is between me and you – man-to-man." Pain drowned out Teal'c's reply and when Jack could see and hear again, he could barely make out the words.

". . . not insult me, Tau'ri dog."

"What's with the Tau'ri dog bit?" Renewed pain erupted out his mouth and eyes.

When he could speak, he stubbornly continued with his previous thought, though a part of him was amazed that anything – a thought – or even precious brain tissue could survive repeated onslaughts of the pain stick. "What did a dog ever do to you?"

The frighteningly inhumane scowl that Teal'c had donned seemed to deepen as he all but spat his reply. "Do you think so little of your teammates that you would continue to defy me?"

"You don't have to do this." Jack whispered, his voice all but gone. "Wild horses, Teal'c, wild horses."

The pain seemed to go on and on, robbing him of his ability to think, to breathe . . . to live.

"O'Neill."

Jack blinked and shook his head slowly. "You know, sitting isn't such a bad idea after all." He sank shakily to the floor with less grace than a pole-less scarecrow. Once there, he sat cross-legged, his forehead cupped in his hands, staring at nothing in particular; too consumed by his thoughts to notice anything else.

After a moment, he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands and sighed. "Crap, I'm getting too old for this."

"As are we both."

"What do you want, Teal'c?"

No sooner than he had uttered the words, that he realized his mistake. Once again, he lay spread-eagled on his back, blinking the moisture out of his eyes. _'Sweat, it has to be sweat. I don't cry. Not for anybody. Not even for a friend that seems to have vanished as if he never existed. No, it couldn't be that.' _

Meanwhile, gloating over him like a glutton at an-all-you-can-eat buffet was the man he thought he knew . . . Teal'c. But he did not know this Jaffa, this monster who seemed to take great delight in hurting him in every way conceivable.

Nor did he want to know him, except through a scope on the business end of a high-powered rifle. But that too would be intolerable, to squeeze the trigger that would kill his friend, even if he were lost beyond all hope of recovery. For it smacked too much of what had been done to him, and he'd sworn then on all that he held holy – and some that were not – that he would never do that – he would never leave anyone behind.

"Before I tire of this game and send you back to the others, I will cause great injury to you," Teal'c stated it in a soft voice that promised he would be true to his word, "Both of the body and soul. What you experience at my hands will be but a taste of what you will endure when you become my symbiote's new host."

Jack's eyes widened when Teal'c's statement echoed his initial thoughts so closely and couldn't help but wonder if the Jaffa had been able to follow his train of thought to where it had ended.

"What do you want?" Jack licked his lips and tasted salt from his sweat – and something else – fear, for this Jaffa knew him, inside and out. Knew his strengths and weaknesses as no other before him had. This knowledge had power – the power to break him.

"Your silence, now, and after." Teal'c's scowl seemed permanent, like it had never left his face, devoid of any hint of mercy.

His voice had been reduced to a mere whisper; he could scarcely hear his own words over the blood pulsing inside his head. "After?"

"When you are returned to your comrades."

Jack searched for the loophole he knew had to be there, but, thanks to getting up close and personal way too many times with the pain stick, the ability to think clearly had been sapped from him along with his strength and his voice.

"Let me get this straight. If I shut up now and don't say anything about this later when you take me back," he paused and struggled to swallow with a throat that seemed coated with the sands of Vorash. "You . . . you'll leave Carter and Daniel alone?" His eyes searched Teal'c's face for a hint of the man he had trusted with his life, and saw a stranger. "For keeps?"

Teal'c nodded. "You and I shall have many more visits such as this. Each one will be but a prelude to further agony. But, with your silence, your comrades will not be harmed."

"Why?" He croaked.

"Because, it is as you said – between us."

"Yes, it is between us, O'Neill," Teal'c sat in front of him, the scowl gone, as if it had never been there. Only his eyes seemed darker than before, as if his previous trials had marked him somehow.

"What?"

"You were speaking and though a lamp burned in your abode, it appeared to be deserted."

"What?" Jack took the time to decipher Teal'c's comment. "Oh, you mean, my lights are on," Jack tapped the side of his head meaningfully, "But nobody's home."

"Is that not what I said?" Teal'c's lips curved upward with a hint of a smile.

"Yeah," Jack grinned and reached out to slap Teal'c on the leg playfully. "That's what you said."

XOX

Jack's casual touch took Teal'c by surprise and suddenly he was back in the room he'd converted to a torture chamber, an unwilling voyeur to a scene that made him feel faint with shame.

O'Neill's seeming acceptance of what was to come had allowed him to get within arm's reach of his friend. "Hi ya, T," Jack smiled and reached out to grasp his arm in a warrior's handshake.

Teal'c's reaction was immediate and unequivocal. "You dare touch me, Tau'ri dog?" He growled as he backhanded Jack in the face, sending him crashing against the far wall where he slumped, rubbing his shoulder with one hand.

"Why'd you do that?" Jack blinked as if to clear his head.

"Why do you persist in this line of thought? I am not your friend, nor have I ever been. All that went before was subterfuge, actions meant to mislead you and put you off your guard." Then he turned to the Jaffa. "Restrain him and take care that you do not neglect your duties again. For the price for such negligence will be a session in the Tau'ri's place."

Impassively, Teal'c watched as the Jaffa dragged the Tau'ri to the table and restrained him. The chastised Jaffa handled the human roughly; petty revenge for this threat he had caused to hang over them. Just as Teal'c had planned, just another level of torture, only he had not counted on his victim's reaction to it all. Being uncharacteristically passive through the manhandling of his person, he said and did nothing to resist them.

"You do not resist?"

Jack stared at the ceiling and said nothing. "Good, you may yet prove worthy of the symbiote I carry."

He smiled and hefted the pain stick in his hand, mindful of how his prisoner's muscles tensed in response to the implied threat.

"Know this, Tau'ri." The prongs traced the curve of O'Neill's rib cage without triggering its punishment and he rejoiced at the ripple of unease and his prisoner's quickened pulse that beat in his exposed neck. "Such as you are not worthy of lying a hand on the chosen warriors who serve my god, let this serve as a further lesson."

Without preamble, Teal'c pressed the prongs home in O'Neill's side and exulted in the scream it produced.

He blinked to clear his head and found himself staring at his seated friend. His crimes reflected back at him from those dark eyes that he would have so easily and casually obliterated if not for the ironic command of his true object of hatred.

'_How could I have done such a thing? And how can my friend ever trust me again?'_

"I caused you grievous harm, O'Neill. For that I have much regret."

Jack shrugged uncomfortably. "You weren't yourself. Teal'c. I know that. I'm just glad we got you back."

"As am I," Teal'c inclined his head gracefully. "But there will take much atonement on my part to erase the past."

"Look, that's nonsense and you know it. You don't have to 'atone' for anything." Jack hooked quotes around the words and then looked away but not before an expression of confusion suffused his face. "I really have no idea what we're doing here."

XOX

His words to Teal'c sounded so familiar. Where had he heard those words before? His thoughts chased down the warm trail of memory like quicksilver, only the answer wasn't quite what he expected. He was there again, back in that storage compartment that had become SG-1's jail cell, hearing those words spoken in earnest by the sexiest and smartest woman he knew. And as usual the darkness that was always with him receded just a little.

Carter's attention was on the crystals and circuit blocks of the control panel as she tried to find a way to unlock the door to their makeshift prison. "I really have no idea what I'm doing here."

Jack shrugged – the words made him uncomfortable – and tried to sound optimistic. It didn't really matter that he thought they had a snowball's chance in hell of opening the danged thing, what mattered was that she kept trying. He'd seen her pull off the impossible before and she just might do it again.

At the very least, it would keep her very agile and imaginative mind on things other than why when the local goon-squad of Jaffa took him for his trophy walk he was gone longer than she or Daniel. Not by much, but it was noticeable.

"Keep trying. You might get lucky."

She had the grace to look guilty, which was worrying. "Sir, I really hate to sound negative, but I think it's pretty safe to say that without more insight into how these things 'actually' work, I've got pretty much 'zero' chance of actually hitting the . . ."

Abruptly the door opened and Carter looked more than pleasantly surprised, she was very surprised. "Okay. Maybe not zero."

All was explained when Jacob walked in and motioned urgently. "Come on," he whispered.

However, Jack's relief at their rescue, and cancellation of his next one-on-one session with the pain stick was extremely short-lived when Teal'c and his Jaffa buddies met them at the door.

Teal'c motioned them back with his staff weapon, his scowl of disdain firmly in place. "Inside."

"Come on, Teal'c. A part of you 'has' to know the truth," Jack said tiredly. At this point, Jack didn't hold out much hope that his words would have any effect, but he had to try. He couldn't give up on his friend, not when that same man had always been there for him in the past. To do otherwise, was unthinkable.

Teal'c glared at all of them but directed his most frightening words at Jack. "The truth is you are a prisoner of Apophis. When the symbiote that I carry matures, you will become its host."

Jack sighed and tried to ignore the worried look that Daniel sent him. "Okay. I meant the other truth." One-handed, he pointed to his rear, as if that other truth stood there waiting to be assimilated by Teal'c. Predictably, the Jaffa ignored any truth except what Apophis had fed him.

Instead, Teal'c leveled his staff weapon at the control panel with the clear intent to fire, despite the close proximity of Carter. Her eyes widened as she realized the danger but with Jacob in front of him, Jack was too far away to do anything but shout a warning. "Look out!"

She launched herself into Jacob's arms just at the control panel exploded in a shower of sparks and ash.

Without a word, Teal'c turned and walked out of the room accompanied by his Jaffa and the door whooshed shut.

Jack heaved a sigh of relief that he was left with his teammates. That was short-lived though because about five minutes later, the door opened to reveal the not-so-friendly neighborhood Jaffa goon squad.

"We have come for O'Neill."

Jack shrugged and tried to act nonchalant and unworried. "Potty break," he announced in a voice that was remarkably steady. "I'll see you later."

XOX

Now on autopilot, Jack's mind surged forward in time; he skittishly avoided the actual torture session and fastened onto the memory of his return to his teammates and Jacob Carter.

The last session had been short but intense, leaving him stiff and sore, so he'd purposely steered clear of Daniel and Carter. He'd made the mistake of trying to grasp Teal'c, with the mistaken idea that his physical touch might do what his words had not – bring back the friend he'd known.

It hadn't though. If anything, it had made things worse. Teal'c reacted like a madman and took it out on him and the other Jaffa with him. They'd displayed unnecessary roughness while they'd hustled him over to the torture table and locked him down. He had the sore muscles and bruises to prove it. Luckily, the bruises were hidden by his clothing; and the pain stick itself was notorious for leaving the victim essentially unharmed – as in no tell-tale marks or lasting effects at all. It was the perfect instrument of torture.

Maybe if he avoided his team until he could stretch the kinks out of his muscles and regain his mental bearings, they wouldn't figure out what was really going on during his 'trophy walks.'

Jack eased himself to the floor beside Jacob and huffed out a breath, he hurt all over. And as much as he wanted to believe that he could somehow manage to by-pass the brainwashing job that Apophis had done on his friend, he was beginning to have his doubts that it was even possible. Teal'c had seemed like a madman in there, totally bent on destroying whatever belief Jack might harbor about his true allegiance.

Jacob studied him for a moment before he spoke. "Well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

"You'd think they'd put more than one head in this tub, and not put it clear out in fricking BFE to boot," Jack groused.

"Yeah, well the Goa'uld didn't exactly design their ships with the comfort of the Tau'ri in mind."

"Ya think?"

Jacob leaned in close and spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, gauged to reach only Jack's ears. "If you think you can persuade Teal'c to switch sides again, you're wasting your time."

"If our positions were reversed, wouldn't you still try?" Jack sighed with frustration. "I know he's in there somewhere, if I could just reach him."

Jacob looked at him for a moment before he answered. "Listen, Jack, you need to understand that Teal'c is not the same man that you knew. Apophis changed that. He belongs to that parasite now, mind, body and soul. What's more, if and when we get out of here, he's become a liability and will have to be left behind."

"No one gets left behind, Jacob." Jack half-turned, his face suffused with rage. In his struggle to contain his anger, his words were spat out as if they were rounds from his P-90. "Not you, not Carter, and not Teal'c. I'll shoot him if I have to and drag him home, but I will NOT leave without him."

His chest heaved and he smothered a wince as his muscles protested the abuse they'd been subjected to so recently. When he noticed that Daniel and Carter were watching him with worried expressions, he shrugged and strove to regain his composure. His lips were bared in a humorless grin of reassurance as he settled back against the wall.

After a moment, Jacob's head dipped and Selmak spoke. "I mean no disrespect to you or your beliefs. But you need to understand that Teal'c can no longer be trusted. If the chance presents itself, we will need everyone to work in unison to affect our escape."

Selmak's borrowed face covered in what was not-quite-Jacob's customary expression of regret lost that solid 'Yes, you can touch it' reality.

"You do that. And I'll look after my team. All of them." That said, Jack stood and stalked over to sit with Daniel. Sliding down the wall, he leaned against it.

"You all right, Jack?" Daniel pushed his glasses back up his nose and he pursed his lips in seeming confusion.

"Yep, just peachy. Why?"

"Oh, no reason." He paused as if in thought. "It's just that for a second there, I could have sworn that you and Jacob were about to get into a fight."

"Us?" Jack shrugged. "Nah."

The ship shuddered and everyone's vision blurred for a moment. It was Carter that supplied the answer to the sudden change in the ship's status.

"We just dropped out of hyperspeed."

Jack was just able to prevent himself from flinching as Teal'c's worried countenance assumed the current reality and he realized that, once again, he'd drifted back to events he'd sooner forget.

"O'Neill?"

The man who spoke had all his instincts on full alert, as well-trained as any of Pavlov's dogs. But his heart and soul told him something different. Jack saw the worry turn to sadness and knew that his impassive facade was like glass to his warrior brother.

And Jack – being Jack – flailed his own soul for causing that look to pass over his friend's face. Teal'c had been nothing more than a victim of the tin gods who used all humans as if they were cattle. They both were.

tbc…


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Teal'c studied the Tau'ri as he struggled to breathe in the wake of the pain stick's heavy use. O'Neill's frail human body shuddered and shook as overexcited nerve paths forgot their exquisite timing. He smiled at the pain the man was feeling as pain receptors wailed in outrage at such misuse, producing waves of agony that were nearly on par with the original assault.

Something inside him – deep inside where even a god dared not go – did not feel right about seeing this man like this. That he should not be doing this. Yet, he also could feel the rage and fire of hatred that his head told him was true, that the Lord Apophis had ordered him to consort with this beast of the field, to pretend to be his friend and ally.

Teal'c constantly fought the urge to wrap his fingers around the vulnerable neck of his hate's object, to rid the universe of the Tau'ri O'Neill and in so doing further the glory of his Lord and Master, Apophis. This, his Lord had forbidden him; but for that command alone the man breathed.

Yet his Lord had not commanded him to make this one's life easy. And he would not, though a part of his mind still continued to protest his actions. Ruthlessly, he silenced that inner voice as being unworthy of his station as First Prime of his god, Apophis.

Again O'Neill's eyes opened, foggy and unfocused. And again they sought him out, and – an unexpectedly horrible sight made him hesitate in his resolve for a moment – forgiveness shone from them. This sight was as painful to Teal'c as the light of the pain stick must have been to his helpless prisoner.

Lacking the usual grace of long practice, Teal'c buried the pronged tip of the pain stick into the soft flesh below O'Neill's ribs. Energy surged out from those hated eyes obliterating the man's painful regard of him. How dare this beast of the field, suitable only for labor, presume to offer him that which only his Lord and Master had the right to bestow?

The re-instated First Prime of Apophis reveled in his anger and his satisfaction as he worked the pain stick across the Tau'ri's naked torso. The man's screams of pain were like sweet music to his ears. This was his purpose of existence, his reason for being. He gloried in the giving of this pain, an offering to his Lord – a prefect offering.

Teal'c shuddered as the personality that had gripped him so fiercely shattered like brittle glass before a sniper's bullet. He could hear the shards scatter across the room, though he could see no evidence of them.

And for a split second, he faced O'Neill across a hallway and awaited the bullet that would put an end to this existence. The rest of his squad of Jaffa lay on the floor around his feet, dead. He was on his knees and had just shot a Replicator off the wall behind him with his staff weapon.

He could see the expression of grim determination on his friend's face, a resolve to do what he had to do, no matter the cost to his own soul. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he stood and twirled the staff weapon to face O'Neill. His weapon was primed and ready to fire. Yet, he hesitated.

O'Neill did not.

When it ponged against his armor, the bullet punched into his chest and felled him – but did not grant him the bliss of oblivion for which he had hoped. Dimly he could feel the touch of fingertips against his throat and Major Carter's pronouncement that he still lived.

The sensation of hands on his shoulders grounded him and he realized that his friend, his warrior brother sat before him, gripping his shoulders. And the compassion that had poured from his eyes back in that torture chamber was now openly displayed on his face. Such naked emotion made Teal'c felt a shame so deep he wondered why he did not die of it.

"Is it possible for one to forgive the unforgivable?" Teal'c voiced shakily. This recent vision was proving to be more torturous than the whole of the rite of Ma'l Sharran.

XOX

Jack stared wide-eyed at Teal'c, uncomfortable with the older, harsher memories that statement brought up. Damn, when would that box deep down in the basement of his dinged-up soul be finished? How long did it take to put on a little addition? And he knew immediately it wasn't the size of the hurt, but the 'who' had created that pain, that was his big problem here.

Slowly, tiredly, he pried his hands from – for a human – too tight of a grip on Teal'c's arms. Then he was up and pacing, short swift steps on a path that never neared either wall. Jack began to speak:

"Once I 'knew' that the unforgivable had been done to me, and once I 'knew' for certain that I'd done the unforgivable."

Jack paused and seemed to stare at the floor, lost in thought for a moment. Finally he slowly turned to face his seated friend.

"But ya know 'I' was wrong both times." He grinned sheepishly as if embarrassed to admit what had haunted him for so long.

Teal'c looked expectant, and Jack knew he really couldn't dredge up the incidents, not in any kind of detail. Both were pivotal to his life, each a jagged break from one Jack O'Neill to the next. But all these jagged pieces together were what made him the man he was now – today; for better or worse – or to coin a phrase, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

"I think it was the emotion. I can remember the fear – and the feeling of betrayal. Only hate kept me going those months of hell, hate of my friend – a friend that would never abandon me – but had. Only I didn't figure out until too late that I didn't have to hate that friend and that perhaps I hated for the wrong reasons. Hate had become a habit."

Stepping up to Teal'c, Jack dropped back to floor to sit cross-legged before him.

He licked his lips nervously and swallowed. For a moment he hesitated, afraid to continue. But he had to do this, it was vital if Teal'c were to be healed. And anything less was unacceptable in Jack's book.

"Then I did the unforgivable. My whole world was shattered by my perceived lack of vigilance. Mired in my own guilt, I could not see any way out the bleak place I'd built around me – except one," Jack sighed heavily. "I came so close, so very close, to repeating my mistake a thousand-fold because I couldn't see past my sorrow or my own pain."

Jack hung his head. The silence was long, but it was not cold, nor hollow. That spark that had ignited between he and this alien warrior warmed the void between them. He raised his head and presented a crooked grin.

"For what it's worth Teal'c the only forgiveness anyone needs is from themselves." He tapped Teal'c's chest. "Inside here."

XOX

Never had O'Neill spoken so openly of his feelings before to him. His words held great wisdom for a warrior of so few years. Bra'tac himself would have been hard put to impart such self-knowledge.

Teal'c grieved at the pain his friend must have felt to admit to having such feelings. Worse was knowing of the events that each point of explanation sprang from. Though not mentioned, any close friend of O'Neill's would recognize he spoke lastly of the death of his son, a wound that would never heal.

What does one say after such an admission? Could he not offer back the wisdom so sagely given him?

"Jaffa spend many years training, not just the mind but the body. Master Bra'tac personally trained my body in the necessary reactions that are needed to keep one alive on the field of battle. And many are those fields of battle."

O'Neill cocked his head. Teal'c knew that this was a sign that his friend wondered just what he was trying to say.

"The body is swift to learn, even though the mind can control the body, it is slower. Many young Jaffa reacted to their trainers by flinching – even I. Bra'tac followed tradition by using this to help train our minds," Teal'c saw the moment that O'Neill began to understand, so he continued. He knew he must insure that his friend fully understood a concept that his culture would assume as being the norm.

"Our bodies are our best protection; it is wise with hundreds of thousands of years of experience. It will react to anything that has hurt it in the past. But it is blind too. It seeks to prevent an injury; unlike the mind it feels nothing. I believe that here on Earth it is known as conditioned response."

His words were heard. O'Neill fidgeted and squirmed, his discomfort evident in his restless movements as he climbed to his feet to pace once more.

Then Teal'c asked the question that his friend must answer for himself. "Can there be shame in the desire to survive?"

XOX

Jack's mind skipped ahead to that scene in the hallway when the green light from his gun sight centered on Teal'c's chest and his finger slowly tightened on the trigger of his P-90.

"You let me shoot you, didn't you?" O'Neill asked with widened eyes. "Back in that hallway when we were making our getaway, Replicator bugs swarming all over the place. With the rest of your Jaffa dead on the floor, you should've ducked for cover. But you didn't. Instead, you got up off your knees and twirled your staff weapon so that it faced me. But then you hesitated. You didn't fire . . . but I did."

"It was a struggle, but no, I did not. For a part of me knew that my allegiance to Apophis was a false one."

"So my words . . ."

"Were heard."

"So all that crap about Tau'ri dogs and the pain stick?"

"I heard your words and did not wish to believe, though a part of me knew them to be the truth. Only by silencing the voice that said those words could I continue in the service of Apophis."

"So, where does that leave us, T?"

Teal'c shrugged. "That remains to be seen. I ask again, is it possible to forgive the unforgivable? Will you ever trust me again?"

XOX

Teal'c watched his brother warrior, emotions he could not name flitted across his friend's face, more than he could decipher, showing him that though his pride shouted he knew this human, his brain concluded that he did not, for he could not read what was writ for him to see as his question was pondered.

Was he correct in even asking? If things had been reversed could he?

Yes, he would. But caution would rule, the trust of before would not be there, that would have to be regained. Knowing that he did not know O'Neill as he had boasted to himself, he realized that he would have to work to rebuild what he had destroyed. All fault lay on his head, no matter what O'Neill said.

O'Neill stood before him in obvious pain and indecision, this could not continue. His torture of his friend would end now. Teal'c carefully announced his intent with a discrete cough before gracefully rising to stand before a human he would follow into certain death if need be.

"O'Neill. I have heard your words, but know that I still am at fault," He signed for silence when his brother prepared to deny his right to claim what was his. "I have not lived up to the pledge I gave you years ago. My loyalty and submission have not been complete and for this now I ask your forgiveness."

Slowly reaching out he griped his friend's shoulder, bringing his full gaze onto his face, Teal'c wanted to be certain that he heard what he was going to say.

"I rejected your command when I indulged in what you refer to as 'The Jaffa Revenge Thing.'" O'Neill grinned at the use of his coined phrase, yet shook his head at the notion.

"Teal'c, it was my responsibility to prevent you from running off on that particular little wild goose chase of yours, I . . . I just . . ."

"Could not stop me in what you saw as an action you would have undertaken yourself."

It was not a question or a guess, but a certainty. He had allowed me to pursue Tanith, for he, being the brother of my soul, would have done the same. O'Neill knows the pain of losing one he loves and would turn a blind eye. And I knew he would do this and ignored this flaw in my brother, knowingly took advantage of him to my everlasting shame.

"My brother, no words are needed but these," Teal'c declared, letting his hand drop from his friend's shoulder. With great solemnity and fisted right hand over a humbled heart, he continued, "I now swear my full loyalty and obedience to you, O'Neill."

XOX

He'd been enjoying the warmth of his friend's large hand when it dropped away. He so didn't agree with what was being said, not by a long shot.

"Teal'c. I'm not your master, just a man who happens to also be your commander," to say that his friend's oath made him damned uncomfortable was an understatement.

When the rubber hit the road, it was his fault for not reining Teal'c in when he should have. There was truth in his words; he would have done the same, though he knew that he would have left Teal'c cooling his heels somewhere while he did it, for his own safety. But would he be safe where ever he left him? And for that matter, would a man such as he be content to wait in that safe place while he went off on his mission of vengeance? He didn't think so.

There seemed to be little difference in their methods. Anyone who happened to be there would have been at risk whether being taken along or left behind in a perceived place of safety.

Silent, Teal'c stood before him awaiting a reply. Jack balked at the heavy weight that suddenly seemed to weigh him down. What does one say to someone who had just declared himself to be his to command?

On one hand, it smacked of the blind allegiance that was expected of any Jaffa that was expected to lay down his life for his god. But on the other, this was Teal'c, a man who did not give his trust lightly. To reject the gift that the Jaffa had just given him would be tantamount to rejecting the man behind it. And that was just plain not acceptable.

"No more 'Jaffa Revenge Thing'?" Jack's fingers automatically hooked quotes around the phrase.

"No."

"Not even a little bit," Jack held down his hand so Teal'c could see the VERY small space between thumb and forefinger.

"Not even that much."

"I'm not so sure I like the idea of that," Jack declared in a stern voice. He struck a defiant pose as Teal'c lifted his head, a bemused and slightly confused expression on his face.

"I'm not so sure I want a potent weapon like that made totally off-limits."

Teal'c appeared to ponder his words thoughtfully, dipping his head in that regal way he had before replying.

"Perhaps, it could live in a small way; at your command of course."

"Of course," Jack grinned and he promptly and without any hesitation clapped him on the back.

Jack blinked, he'd reacted naturally. He could see the effect that move was having on Teal'c who could barely keep himself from beaming with unfeigned joy. Or at least what passed for that on his friend's solemn face.

'_Guess it's time to deal with the big issue now,' _Jack admitted to himself.

His decision must have shown in his face and alerted Teal'c. Before his eyes that happiness he'd grown on his friend's face diminished. He was thankful that it was not replaced with the mask that Teal'c could wear as well as himself, that emotionless shield he employed when forced to deal with the distasteful. Teal'c instead settled for an 'I'm all ears' expression; at least that was what he liked to think it meant. And since his friend was prepared, he dove right in.

"I trust you, Teal'c. But it was never about trust," Jack licked his lips and looked away for a moment before continuing. "It was about perceptions. You weren't torturing me; I was someone else to you. There was never anything to forgive, at least as far as I'm concerned."

Jack spread his arms wide as he had when he'd first seen Teal'c living and breathing – alive. His warrior brother returned from the dead. He felt the very same feelings all over again. Now Teal'c was here in mind – as well as body – whole once again.

Each man stepped into the personal space of the other and embraced. The joyous greeting that should have happened the first time was now allowed to occur. Each gripped fiercely their friend; each hoped to rip the pain from the other. Yet each settled for knowing it existed beyond their reach and always would. And somehow that was more than enough, for they had each other.

**The End**


End file.
